I did something stupid with eggs call me when you get up. Cops were also involved.
We stole some shitttt from king sooper's. fuck yeaaa
what did you steal
frozen pizza, cat litter, and preperation H. not much different than my usual grocery list.
i caught a guy at work today stealing condoms. i let him go when i realized that they were extra small.
Its official, cigarettes are now more expensive than weed
i think you know its gunna be a bad day when it starts with throwing up into a red plastic cup
Dude she has starbursts in her sports bra. I feel like this is counter productive.
Just found bud in my hair....gotta love curls
He's used the term "balls deep" 3 times in the first hour. Thanks a lot, Plenty of Fish.
Wow, im gonna be a great doctor..."hi let me save your life but first check out this pic of me deep throating a handle of grey goose"
antibiotics and champagne: breakfast of champions
Some lady just walked up to me in the bar and proclaimed that I looked like a "shady motherfucker." Can't argue with that one.
SO AWKS THEY ARE HAVING A COUPLE FIGHT AND I JUST WANT PIZZA
I DONT KNOW HOW I'M NOT DEAD, JESUS CHRIST ON A DOUBLE DECKER FUCKING KEANU REEVES BUS
if I dont text you back in 10min assume i am in fact still dizzy and injured myself in the shower. and call an ambulance. thanx.
This may sound strange but do you have my pants?
You tried to trade them for some girls skirt... So she has them...
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