Not sure what happened last night, but there are four mini bikes outside and some guy is wearing my shirt passed out in the breakfast nook. Won't be telling the grand kids about this one.
Thank you for leaving pool of vagina on my girlfriends carpet.
You hooked up with 4 random girls, avoided your grilfriend finding out about it, and dodged traffic on Park Ave. Can you say luck of the Irish?
He was waring a speedo fashioned out of american flag bandanas and when he got hard he said "you're such a patriot...raising the american flag like that"
and that my friend is why you dont go in for an eye exam and drop 250 dollars on a pair of glasses after smoking a blunt
she has like 12 pairs of underwear people left at her house from the other night
if I was any more soft right now, my penis would be a liquid
It's a goat... but where the fuck did it come from?
I just want to get drunk and wake up on Wednesday
It's a little weird that I'm blowing my wingman.
I mean I'm sad it didn't work out but tbh he he can't unlick my booty hole or unbreak his headboard... He won't forget my name ever
I'm still hammered too. I started tweeting the time at one point I'm pretty sure.
So you're at your daughter's volleyball game looking at dicks online? That's amazing.
No, I was picking her up from volleyball and sitting in my car looking at dicks.
right now I am washing the alcohol and shame off from last night
You told everybody that you were a dragon and then projectile vomited all over the kitchen.
Randomize
