I'm giving up shame for lent. Here come the best 40 days and nights of my life.
Ah that type of Dick. I think my phones trying to make me less of a whore by capitalizing Dick. That way it looks like I'm talking about a dude not penis
About to fuck some random fraternity guy I met at a party. I guess this would be the right time to say I don't want to be with you anymore.
Drunk
Deyhxbr
Fucaerrrrr
When you mimic motorboating Jennifer Love Hewitt, is it really that hard to understand why no one thinks you're straight?
Mom chose Thanksgiving to tell me the reason I am here is because she was too tired to give my dad a BJ and too drunk to make him pull out.
Bake him heart shaped cookies?!? Send him a picture of your tits like an ADULT!
Walking in on a gay threesome, with a girl in the corner watching and taking vid is a reason to not only knock, but to never go to Savannah.
You're about to makeout with my vagina, I don't think she cares that you haven't brushed your teeth. Just get over here!
He was only in jail for 4 hours before he was someone's prison wife
I always make inappropriate sexual decisions during the holidays
AND ONCE AGAIN, MY VAGINA HAS STRUCK AGAIN. HER PLANS TO TAKE OVER MARYLAND ARE WELL ON THEIR WAY AS SHE CONTINUES TO ENGULF EVERY QUEER IN A 10 MILE RADIUS
I thought the first time I got peed on it would be by a baby...
I have four things I would like to do over summer too... Problem is they're all roommates
He said it was the classiest hand job he ever had because my nails were painted red. We need to go to nicer bars from now on.
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