I think my grandma died before she was convinced I was straight
My Hamptons summer hookup resume reads like a walk-in clinic waiting list.
I assumed she put out when I heard her friend call her "dickbutt"
she gave me one of her senior pics and told me specifically to give it to you. In other words she still wants to suck your dick.
Yeah it was hard to find an opportunity while fucking him to say "oh the reason my lips taste so salty is because i blew your roomate 15 minutes ago"
Annd you probably wouldn't of fallen down the stairs if you didn't insist on taking 'finale shots'
peeing on that welcome mat was like, the highlight of my week
There are rocks in my bed. And dirt all over my face. Explain?
Either I just got hit on by a 10 year old.girl dressed like a boy or I just got hit on by a midget lesbian. Either way I feel uncomfortable
Got super judged by this lady at the Rolling Stones concert last night. Bitch don't look so salty at my dad and I splitting two joints, an edible, and two margaritas. It's the stones.
He then used a box cutter I keep in my car to open the plan b. Who says chivalry is dead?
Definitely went down on him last night while he was wearing a cape. He randomly kept swirling it around me and "revealing me" in the mirror like a magic trick. I'm not even a little upset, it's fun fucking younger guys.
I need to go home for the safety of everyone in a 10 mile radius, especially me
I AM DRUNK AND AGGRESSIVE ABOUT CURLING!
The US is in the finals, aren't they.
Pretty sure he was in my class in like 2nd grade
I like how you know everyone I've ever fellated.
Randomize
