i just got a UPS package from a name and address i dont know, with one of my thongs in it. no recollection.
He gave his mom his old phone, and I am SO paranoid
Did you send adult things?
Um. Yes would be the understatement of the year
i just found an uncooked ramen noodle in my underwear
My therapist says she wants to work on my 'trust issues'. I think she's found the cash cow within.
you are getting stockholm syndrome from your pubes
You just met him on Thursday, and you've already nicknamed him Golden Penis?
When I left you, you were walking into a room with a half naked girl. When I returned 2 minutes later, you were locked out of the room naked and she was screaming obscenities from inside. How do you manage to make every girl hat you?
I forgot to ask you how long you're housesitting. By which I mean how many bones can I get in averaging 2.5 bones per day.
20.
WTF moment this morning: we were getting ready to leave and he reaches under his mattress to pull out his gun. All I could do was look at him and go "really?!"
Well shit, I would've slept with him if I knew he was gonna be in the draft.
pls come over. need ride to hospital once taquitos are ready
This whole pope visit thing is ruining me having sex.
If you gave someone an std. would you say a muffin basket, a candy gram or an edible arrangement is a better choice to send them?
Slept with a member of the band last night, found out today after extensive stalking he’s engaged. Pro tip: don’t research one night stands.
You know when you're a kid and you play at the pool until you passed out? It was like that except instead of playing it was sex.
Randomize
