Bike broken, reschedule party till thursday:(
i'm pretty sure you said "blowjob marathon" lastnight
i totally said that
last night i found where hot topic managers go to die after they get fired.
"Shots" has been nominated for a grammy. Now all of the US has sunken to our level...
we were wasted and he didn't have a condom so he called the front desk and asked for one. They didn't "officially" have them but the night manager happened to have one in his wallet. He brought it to the room with two mints.
but the good news is i woke up with 15 dollars in my pocket so i probably sold my phone instead of puking on it
Things are going great. I have tons of beer, margaritas, and theres an inflatable swan in the mix.
Can we just smoke a few bowls and eat grilled cheese while drunk in our hotdog suits at 9am ?
Not only does DQ have s'mores shakes, sonic has a hot dog in a pretzel bun, and Wendy's has a burger in a pretzel bun. Important things are happening.
Dude I just saw a beer truck w taps in the side... It's like god heard my prayers and sent me a gift from heaven
No one needs to know about the barren wasteland that is my vag. Sometimes i visualize my cervix rocking back and forth wondering where everybody went.
I just pictured that. It's reading a book.
He apologized for cumming on my leg, but not for ghosting me for 3 weeks before :(
IT'S FUCKING BABY SEASON ON FACEBOOK. MY VAGINA WANTS TO THROW UP
i realized my signature handshake has now become a hookup. i love what college has done to me.
I can't be a daydrinker without you. It just doesn't work.
I love you too.
Randomize
