I am totally the chick from Intervention who barfs up wine and then re-eats it.
yeah well we're currently on the phone and she's telling me about how much she misses me and all this shit and i muted myself and i'm watching porn.
sober me hid the cigs from drunk me. sober me is a tricky bitch.
Just found a dugout in my rental car glove box. Suddenly my mood is upbeat.
We met at my place after separate parties but the condom wrapper was red with hearts and said love. Does that count as a romantic date?
It was all going great until he pulled the hamburger meat out of his pocket
I'll start choreographing the sperm rain dance now
I wish my head, heart, dick, and nose could just agree on something for once
Sleeping with random people is the same as soul searching, right? Ps that wasn't a team name suggestion.
The only pictures I have are of me being stoned or me looking like a man, which do you prefer?
Oh btw I learned how to say "my penis is a flamethrower" in German. Tonights gonna be fun
I just read through our messages from yesterday and realized we both referred to me tearing my penis as a good thing. What the fuck.
No I don't want to see you. You're the reason that I'm going to need a new liver by the time I'm 30.
Just used the pen i got in my signing ceremony to pack down my bowl. coach would be proud
Do you want to get naked and order pizza with me
Randomize
