Walk of Shame. In a state park.
The woman at walgreens tried to sell me clearance condoms with my fake eyelashes. Does it look like I get laid?
He tagged himself in all of my pictures so he would get a notification if someone commented on it.
Restraining orders are what college is about.
I showed remarkable dignity in such a compromising situation. Except I came off as sort of a blue ball giver.
No, he attached a coozie to his crutches so he can carry his beer around the party.
Dad had me doing shots of chocolate mint Everclear last night. I've never felt closer to him.
Can you rollerblade?
No, why?
Honestly, I was high and picturing us roller blading together. I wanted to see if I could make my dreams a reality.
Can we discuss your tits for a sec? That melon patch sprung up over night
him and the cab driver we buy e from got into a fist fight, about which show is better, futurama or family guy.
I just threw up vodka and hot dogs in a handicapped stall with someone in it who couldn't make me leave because he couldn't walk.
His dick is pure magic - dark, powerful, beautiful magic. It's the Elder Wand of penises
They both showed up at the same time... to surprise me. One had flowers and the other had chocolates. Needless to say, I will be at the bar all weekend long trying to figure out how this happens.
wait he has a twin??? which one did you fuck
yes
I swear my vagina needs to be taken away from me when I drink.
You spent twenty minutes waxing poetic about her ass and her thighs
Randomize
