Imagine two people making love on top of a unicorn . . . my life is the opposite of that.
Brought a cooler and a case to a parade. I'm getting dirty looks since it's 10:30. Telling people it's for the troops.
She got all mad because she said it was "unprofessional" to tell my manager to go fist herself.
Just opened a bottle with my rape whistle. At least it's finally getting used for something.
When I woke up I had three missed calls from the name 'dream krystals'.... If I remember correctly she was the lady at the drive thru at Krystals and her name was Dream.. She wanted to come to the strip club with us... Do you remember?
i don't know how it's possible. but i just bought groceries for a week with the money i made off returning empties
Besides the whole peeing blood for a week thing, it was the best sex of my life.
czant get you from the arport. sry i found the rum. dan sucks at rumpong jusrt so yo knoqw.
Is it going to be one of those nights where I shouldn't wear my contacts so everyone looks more attractive?
I walked in and all four of you were covering your heads under the blanket singing waterslides in unison.
I feel like parents watching our children. You want to step in and help them but you just have to let them make their mistakes
I just wanna have sex and go to Denny's after is that too much to ask for.
That's how pantless uber rides happen
You shouted "my financial aid just came in, who wants a shot?!" Half the bar followed
Did I literally just offer a blowjob for help moving? Yes. Yes, I did.
Randomize
