____ banged a stripper...well technically she's now a hooker...
Having dinner with my dad, watching the news and some AIDS prevention ad comes on. My dad then kindly informs me that he doesn't enjoy the feel of condoms.
You are like a prophet. It's amazing how many people you convince to be lesbians.
In case you were wondering, transporting lube in a ziploc bag is just as bad of an idea as it sounds.
I think off duty cops drove me home. I may have been hitchhiking
I had my first sober conversation with his roommate. I remembered half way through that the first time we met I was getting fucked on his counter
You were sitting in the middle of the floor spewing vodka at people proclaiming "I a whale". That drunk.
He visits one Denver strip club and now hes moving there
Someone left me hummas on my door step between the hours of 1am-3am
I have to confess something, I may or may not have knocked on your window at 2:30 am while balancing on some guys hands. We found tequila.
Some older looking guy gave me his card as he exited the train. Hes a pharmaceutical rep. I'm debating asking him for a job. Obv he wants sex but if I can get a job out of this maybe I can offer him more than a cheap dry handjob bc that's all I'm really up for these days
Glad I can drunkenly remember to not get tomatoes on my Mexican pizza but can't tell a guy to keep his hands off my ass
I accused the cab driver of smoking weed in the taxi then I remember it was me.
I now have a "weirdest thing a guy ever did in bed" story. Cut my fingernails.
Yeah I'm gonna need you to stop it right there.I know this is supposed to be a safe space but Imma have to exit.
A black cat walked my drunken ass home last night and made sure I made it back into the apartment safe. Sat with me for 30 minutes as I struggled to unlock the door. Guardian angel or drunken hallucinations?
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