I may or may not have started my period at the bar. Good thing I have dark jeans on.
someone called me shannon dorrhety annnd it hurt my feelingsd.
Just threw up in my seat during the national anthem. Probably not good.
Her parents walked in on us. So for my birthday they bought me a blow-up doll with their daughters face on it. I don't know what to think right now.
Tequila shots with cinnamon and orange write it down before I forget
he said i was so drunk that i shared a urinal with him and we simultainiously peed
I need input, can I pre-game my cat scan?
Come down here. We are watching people walk through the paper we taped in front of the elevator.
Not a clue. But I did find out that his penis has a British accent.
Boobs speak an international language.
I feel like our lives always have been and always will be a never ending drunken rampage full of pregnancy scares and lost brain cells
I woke up still drunk to a beautiful tattooed columbian man making me pancakes. How's your memorial day?
Who are you, and why are you in my phone as Elf on the Shelf
I look over and the both of you are naked, and he's eating chicken nuggets off the floor
it looks like a nuclear can of fuck blew up in here
Randomize
