Listen the way I know if I'm drunk is if I have stage fright in the pisser if I do then I'm not drunk! And I definitely still do right now!
it was like one of those moments where the couple runs together and kisses and everyone in the airport claps. but instead of clapping an indian guy walked by and said 'ahhhright! get some!'
Highlight of my evening, pile of books falling onto me in front of people
then she said "on the count of three I think we should apologize to eachother"
Disney World has no open container laws. Ohmygod this place is even cooler than it was when I was ten.
She narrowed it down to 7 guys that could have gotten her pregnant.
There is a pink thong attached to a bottle of svedka hanging from my ceiling fan..is this yours?
You know, he picked a really shitty time to stop sleeping with me to pay attention to his girlfriend.
Speaking of roommates, Kelsey and I woke up to urine in our trash can. Neither one of us is willing to admit to it so we've come to the conclusion that someone snuck into our room in the middle of the night
Please do not make a facebook page for my hickeys.
This coke is making my nose hairs dance. That good.
How the fuck did I get back? Last thing I remember is being on some hot guy's shoulders yelling at girls shaking their asses
We'll talk about it later...
They just keep looking funny at me. No one has attempted to tell me that I don't make sense though so maybe they're all way more high than I am.
Last nights hook up turn into a star wars history lesson.. He's luck y he's pretty..
I think its a little fucked up she invited you to her wedding, are you going?
There is a lot of acid in my drugs right now
....ill put you down as a no then
Randomize
