Seriously dude, you need to stop beating off to the ellen show, it's just weird.
you threw up out the window, wiped your face with a twenty dollar bill, and threw that out the window too.
did we at least go back and get it?
how else do you think we got jack in the box...?
we did rock-paper-scissors to see who would find out if you had alcohol poisoning
You were passed out on the chair and when I asked you if you were okay you looked up and said "I'm fine, I was just pretending for a picture" then passed out again.
I'm going to die alone in a sea of empty vodka bottles and cats.
Im on the side of I-10 covered in sweat, cookie dough, hollandaise sauce, onion gravy, and ground beef wondering how my life I ended up here
Is singing the Indiana Jones theme while I put on the condom off limits?
I'm not the one who can lose their erection, so it's fair game
idk man, i just want to be a bad influence for future generations
Bullets don't scare me. I wish I was a coyote
I showed my cat the amount of coke I had. She looked concerned.
Idk how I even got accepted into college because literally the only things my brain ever thinks about are YouTube videos of baby animals and sex.
You have the most beautiful penis I've ever seen. I never thought penises were meant to be beautiful, but you proved me wrong
But like it was sooo bad! At one point he tried to flip me over and he fell off the bed
all I remember the next morning was crawling through the doggy door and finding my underwear in my purse
She grinded so hard on my face that I've got rugburn on both eyelids
Randomize
