sometimes in life you just needs hand puppets
the line for where the wild things are looks like radiohead had sex with an urban outfitters
he made transformer sounds every time he changed positions. how do you think it went?
don't worry about the poodle she's always like that. she's like 14 years old and ate a bag of weed when she was a puppy.
I just found out my favorite drunk show, Repo Men, is just reenactments. I can't express through words my disappointment.
Just passed a Taco Bell Taco Supreme, still in its wrapper, laying in the grass. I'd like a moment of silence.
May it rest in peace.
I got a job at a micro-brewery. Now who made the bigger mistake, them or me?
im never drinking wine from a person in a wet suit and goggles ever again.
What can I say, I bounce back quick. Never thought the line "my turtle died" would get me so many free drinks last night
you went over to those random dudes and told them you were an ordained minister and would like to bless their food. they laughed and agreed, then you said "now bow your heads in prayer" as soon as they did you grabbed a taco off their tray and bolted out the door.
We were so hungover we fell asleep in Goodyear waiting for them to fix her car. At 4 in the afternoon on a Sunday. The workers apparently didnt want to vacuum because they didn't want to wake us.
Wait do we still get bagels if no one got laid
I know it doesn't seem right, but sometimes, bagels are just flat out called for.
I need to stop agreeing to hang out with people when I'm drunk.
fuck sobriety. I want to wake up tomorrow in a park or some shit.
Why in the hell is there a guy dressed up as a horse passed out in our kitchen.
happy birthday!
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