i think i would be perfectly content if, on my deathbed, i could look back on a life that didn't have any fisting in it
Our professor just said "No class today, go get stoned." A guy seriously walked over and hugged him.
one of the service guys here said i licked ranch off your face lastnight
I just feel like Im gonna be remembered as that one RA guy that used to sell weed
truck drivers should not leave their trucks unlocked with cigarettes inside when we're drunk and walking around.
Woke up this morning with seven juice boxes under my pillow and an empty box of condoms In my pocket. Good night.
That is the best grammar in a dirty text ever. Excellent use of the semi-colon. And yes; I am hard.
i just feel like the statute of limitations for admitting i plowed through her car last night was up a couple hours ago
No. I'm wrapped up in my sheets like a burrito. Carry me
He was still there when I ran half naked into my suitemate's room where she was skyping her boyfriend and I started singing I JUST HAD SEEEEX
I just told the sun to stop. That hungover.
You wouldn't put pants on to see my parents.
Still riding the magical train of drugs so, yeah, Id say I feel great
He just looks like he'd be good in bed. He looks like he has a lot of anger built up in him and all I'm saying is that if he took out on my vagina I'm cool with that
btw...it's noon and i'm sitting here drinking wine and eating pixie stix. I really need to find something to do...
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