I don't think I can get bothered with getting laid tonight
what the fuck were we smoking when we had a conversation about how my brother would be so proud if i fucked an orange alien?!?
Myspace is for pedophiles and tweakers in the 818 trying to hook up. I always forget theres music there too
I made him recite stats from the playoffs game last night before I would go down on him.
i broight you flpweers amd vodka. open yoir bask door
I'm not sure what happened. But I must have won because I obviously stole two full pitchers of beer from the bar and taped a note on them saying "your welcome"
He actually has his life put together though, during the date we walked by a shoppers drugmart where my friend and I once flashed a janitor and all I could wonder was how does he not see shit show written all over me?
Its a first. Never been peed on in a line to concert. First time for everything.
She kept telling me it was a squirtgun.
THERE IS AN ENORMOUS FAT WOMAN EYEING MY FLIGHT'S GATE LIKE IT WOULD BE DELICIOUS TO EAT.
There's a mechanical bull in the basement dude where are you
Champagne pong turned into an expensive and painful experience.
So when's a good time this week to show up at your apartment in nothing but a trench coat and a bow? Y'know. Hypothetically.
I am lonely and hungry. I need a girlfriend, but I'd settle for my mom.
Went home with a male stripper who looked like Justin Timberlake.. I started singing cry me a river mid sex. When he sang along I fell in love
What the hell happened to the sandwich meat I just bought?
After you smoked, you made 8 ham sandwiches.
Guess that explains the mysterious disappearance of the bread...
Randomize
