he is not the type of person you only have sex with once. god adds years to your life every time you sleep with him.
saw a man at the beach in a red speedo. when he rolled over he unintentionally displayed a HUGE skid mark.
dude my 8 year old cousin is allowed to drink wine coolers. as long as its infront of my aunt. wtf
amateur piercings on our way to the beach? check.
He went down on me in his escalade and his dick is bigger than my forearm. I'm never going back to white guys.
When she was giving me head last night it felt like there was a NASCAR pit crew working on my dick.
Just so you know, I'm standing in my bra eating cereal. My keys were in the cereal box.
i feel like words won't express my appreciation properly so at some point i'm just going to bring you pizza then go down on you for an hour. fair?
Haha I will however wear glass and and draw a lightning bolt scar if you want to have sex that way, and that can be the only time you can call me Harry.
Captain Morgan didnt let me down when i stand up it feels like the world is trying to hand me rainbows.
She came out of the bathroom listening to her iPod and crying. Then she started scream 'she will be loved'. She seems to be handling the break up well lol
She woke up next me in bed and told me to stop driving so fast.
During my first week as an adjunct prof, I played a fiercely fought game of squash with a law student and we wound up having hot, sweaty, angry sex right on the floor of the court. She is either the best or worst thing to happen to my academic career. Will let you know.
Right before he dumped me... he got a really ugly pair of pants. They were twill pants. A pinkish color. When I'm sad... I picture him in them. It makes me smile.
Well, if you do die, I'll bedazzle your coffin.
Randomize
