That girl really should ne nicer to her vagina. It's not a playground.
Apparently hers is a theme park.
If the Four Horseman of the Apocalypse gang banged each other and had a kid, it would look like the creature I woke up next to this morning.
Facebook lets you pick usernames now. You'd better log on and get yours before homewreckingwhore is taken...
I saved him in my fone as special pumba. he was just pumba but then he found me drugs
I'm sitting by the window waiting for the sun to go down so that I can start drinking.
We decided I could make bicurious-jitos or ho-meh-jitos or heteroflexible-jitos. But not homojitos.
Dude, you need to understand there is a fine line between "guilty pleasure" and in the closet gay
We stopped midfuck cuz a guy was walking his dog. Who the fuck walks their dog in the dorm parking structure at 3am!?
I fell in the river last night. The allegheny to be exact. Omg getting drunk at work gatherings is dangerous
Seeing your boyfriend, side piece, and great white buffalo, all in one night? Its a sign right?
Proceed with caution.
You knocked on your freshman year room door, told the kids who opened it "I own you", and attempted to force-feed them everclear.
I remember telling you that I think Taylor Swift has stolen my essence. I still think that's true.
She wore her engagement ring the whole time we fucked. I hate her fiancee, so it was cool
In other news, just had to pluck an ingrown pub with the pliers from my multi tool while sitting on the toilet at work.
Bank just called....we left my debit card in the ATM last night.
Randomize
