Did I tell you he has dinosaur sheets?
she just refered to her hymen as "the mrs"
It was an awkward 3some. I took her from behind while he just made out with her.
I get off at the next exit which doesn't have a shoulder, a guy is riding my ass so I cant stop. I think I got as much puke on his car as on mine.
Just you wait I'll be crying and puking everywhere in no time
Well, now that you have a gf, its gonna be awkward when I get drunk and make out with you..... Then later, pretend like I don't remember.
I beat my mom's friend's boyfriend in a vodka chugging competition. Our generation FTW.
He had bigger boobs than me last night and we both weren't wearing a bra so it was a fair judgement
I think I shall call his penis Gatsby. We talk about it all the time, but I never see it.
I've found a new low. I was climb-on-the-bar-piano drunk.
Just had empanadas for breakfast while watching Wall-e with my yesterday's one night stand mother AND grandmother.
I'm at a loss. By loss I mean singing songs from Wicked and pretending I'm at the Oscars
I'm pretty sure the guy who was grinding on me while I was trying to get a drink at he bar was one of my tinder matches
So you're not opposed to us ever having sex again? Because it just seems like such a waste to let a penis like yours go.
well apparently i sat in the bathroom staring in the toliet at my vomit. it was blue. how was your night?
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