Just saw my boss eat a banana in three bites.
We all just poured out a sip of our drinks for you. One for our pussy whipped homie.
you were crying because peter frampton wasnt your dad
He asked what my name was on facebook chat. IT SAYS RIGHT THERE. i will never be drunk enough for this guy.
we banged on the home plate. i wasnt even aware of the significance of where we were until afterwards hahaha
in my defence, i did try to get you to put your shirt back on, then you screamed at me to stop telling you what to do
I was really stoned haha. I had sex with her while I cooked scrambled eggs.
we couldn't find any funnels so we taped a spaghetti strainer to a pool noodle and it worked fairly well
is it bad that my walk of shame involves the church shuttle?
Yeah. Moral of the story: Don't mace yourself. It sucks dick.
fell down stairs ended up in underground bar now im dancing with trannies and best night of my life. lines of coke
I walked into the bathroom and there's this 6'5" cop washing his hands. He looks at me and goes, "Heard you singing outside. Sound real pretty."
No more tequila EVER.
So I crawled off the trampoline to puke in the neighbors yard. Wonderful house guest right here
Two questions: Did you enjoy your birthday present and how did i wake up with glitter all over my dick?
If he doesn’t slap your ass with his drumsticks, then I don’t wanna hear about it.
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