the condom got lost in my hair
I smelled like jager and penis. The only cure was a pack of camels and plan b.
but his dog just died...ill send him an edible arrangement or a 6 pack or something
bang him and never speak to him again. also, queef in his face.
i dont this its possible to queef on command.
We FINALLY fucked. I swear that's the longest I've ever held out for
Umm you met him three days ago....
I said what I said
How many folks do you know who bring coke to a dinner party. Seriously.
and then he tried plucking my nose hairs. lines were crossed.
That UFC fighter fucked me so hard I have what can only be described as a "cuntcussion"
Is it just me or does the sex still keep getting better? I wasn't crying, my eyes just watered from how hard I was cumming.
I was hammered helping a pregnant woman at the gas station name her unborn child. We had to try everything with two different last names because she was waiting on the results of her paternity test.
He started tongueing his parfait and told "thats what I'd to your ass" in the middle of Starbucks. Of course i brought him home
What did we do lastnight that resulted in a $1,896 charge on my credit card with a $2,000 limit
He just got home after serving 5 years in prison. And I think I may courtesy fuck him. Best Christmas present ever.
I JUST PETTED A FUCKING SQUIRREL. A SQUIRREL.
Some nights you do cocaine till 5:00 in the morning, and the next night you teach yourself how to crochet. It’s called balance.
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