Alex texted me. Bootycall boy #2. its like an alarm goes off once i'm single that the line is open again
He’s a liberal pot smoker and perfect for me. He invented a game where we have to smoke a joint every time you hear a Middle Eastern accent on NPR.
I feel if a girl leaves my house the next morning feeling degraded and in desparate need of a shower, then I have succeeded.
He came out in cowboy boots and underpants holding a beer while he hugged my mom. I love Montana.
Well, I plan on starting the night dressed as little red riding hood. Then I plan on finishing the night dressed as a shit show in a red cape.
I have never smelled more like a drunk mariachi band than I do right now.
I hope we all get so wasted that we ride the cows again
I don't think casual Fridays means I can go to work with dried cum in my hair...
Hes pre-made beer lollipops so he "can suck before the sex" QUOTE!
I would love a rich wife. Then I would be like a gym teacher or some shit. Bigfoot hunter maybe.
words I never want to hear dad say again: "Trevor you sexy man you"
He staggered in with his pants around his ankles and yelled that he lost his pants
Last night you were prentending to be a broom stick...you were laying on the floor and humming the Harry potter song.
He wanted to save my dignity, I just wanted beads and jäger
Either it didn’t do much damage or I’ve lost all feeling in my asshole
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