all I remember was being half naked drinking water on my hands and knees from her dogs water bowl.
You tried to call the hospital and left a voicemail asking if you could be put on the liver transplant list as a "pre-caution"
Just found out you can rent the rollerena for 100 bucks and you can bring your own beer... when are you free this week?
I've never seen anyone write a check for a bar tab before
Hey, you guys have all had chicken pox, right?
Can you please tell him to stop calling me ma'am? I'm starting to remember what it's like to have self respect
I ate 12 cupcakes in less than 24 hours, so no judgement here.
Her virginity is one of the last things that remains of our childhood.
PROFESSOR JUST TOOK A SHOT WITH US BEFORE CLASS. WELCOME TO THE LAST DAY OF FINALS.
So I pull up to an apartment complex and immediately felt like I was here to get stoned.
let me drop the bass on your empty vagina syndrome
That's pretty intense. There aren't many people I would pick over a burrito
just saw the most amazing side boob. i wanted to hold it.
Dude...itll be a youre-still-a-dick-but-a-hot-one-angry-hate-evil-spite kinda fuck. This is acceptable.
I forgot to bring soap and all I could find here was body wash. It's like bathing with laundry detergent.
Randomize
