ready 4 sex 2nite?
wow. woo me matt, woo me.
yo i have your phone
... oh so you probably won't get this message
Is it 'vaginas' or 'vaginae?'. Either way there were a shit ton of them.
I couldn't deal, she's a vegetarian. Every woman should like a little meat in their mouths.
my ass hurt today after the party last night. I wnt to the doctors and they found a coin in a ziplock bag with a note from you. WHAT THE FUCK DID U DO TO ME???
she kept checking the clock when she was giving me head and at midnight she said she had to stop because she cant eat meat on fridays is that bitch serious
she showed up with nothing but olive garden breadsticks in her purse.
almost getting arrested is turning into fucking this cop in his ex wife's lawn. see you tomorrow
there is a dorito bag in my car full of my mouth blood
if I was any more soft right now, my penis would be a liquid
The 12 year old son winked and made eyes at me while his father fed me vodka gummy bears. Gameday yo
Well i think matt shit his pants so ill mark that as a W
The amount of precision it takes to urinate into a 2 liter bottle while hammered is undeniably difficult.
CUT OFF ALL YOUR HAIR COME ON MAN LET'S DO THIS
So now your dad has seen my tits. You could have told me he was coming by to help paint.
I didn't think you'd be painting the kitchen topless.
I couldn't find a shirt I was willing to ruin.
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