I have sucked so much dick this week I think I am going to start sweating semen
Don't worry we didnt bang. Sometimes I just bring guys home so I don't order pizza.
Miss Michigan hasn't even been Miss USA for 24hrs and already stripper pole pics are surfacing. Classy.
Yea. I think between making the bride puke, feeling up the maid of honor, and sleeping with a bridesmaid. I did my part.
I bruise way too easily for the kind of rough sex I want...
six ambien and a bong later...he was calling me blueberry princess who need rescuing from the evil oven, and he was sir Eatsalot.
seis de mayo is my least favoite holiday because i usually spend it in bed sobbing over my poor life decisions from the night before.
REALLY should have cleaned under my bed before I had my parents come help me pack...things my parents just found: several condoms and a bottle of lube. My mom when she found a condom: "ooo ribbed. Laura's a lucky girl"
My mouth tastes like what I imagine a hobo's skin would taste like.
I guess your brother-in-law will have his day in the sun tonight after you leave. By that, I of course, mean he's gonna suck liquor milk out your sister's tits.
Those thigh tattoos deserve the handsomest of grins between them. Dont settle.
We gotta locate my vibrators and get them stashed away STAT
The fact that u had sex with a Disney prince blows my mind, you're my hero.
Please don't give away my fajitas
I told her I wanted to go swimming and she responded with jello shots, taking off her clothes, and jumping into the pool...I think I'm in love
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