Why are my keys in the refrigerator?
You said "This is gonna really confuse me tomorrow." Apparently drunk you plays pranks on hungover you.
This explains so much.
Urine might work for jellyfish stings, but we found out it doesn't work well for nose bleeds...
He literally stopped in the middle of sex to look up sex positions on his iPhone...
My parents just suggested that we tailgate the midnight christmas service. this is my gene pool.
whoooo knowwsss what george of the jungle juice is but i feel like im in the promised land
Hey since its national brother week is that eiffel tower option with your girlfriend still on the table?
After arriving 30 minutes late, he slowly walked to his desk and halfway there he just falls over like a tree and passes out. I now have some sort of proof as to how awesome that night was.
let's make a party pact right now just as precaution for this trip: ill make sure you don't piss yourself if you make sure I don't bang my cousins friends. deal?
So wait. Let me get this straight lol... you... are are considering offering fetish services to "trample and own" someone for $80 in order to pay for someone to come organize ur shit? Pure genius.
Trying to take a nap and my brain decides to play "lets have flashbacks every time you blew it with a chick in college". It's a montage of stupidity and youthful inexperience. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
I just faked an orgasm while masturbating. Idk what exactly my problem is but I have one
Dude the little bong I just got fits nicely in the cup holder in my car. The gods approve of my habits.
Considering who their parents are, maybe you should use vodka for the baptism.
He was a Cher impersonator. They are the draggest of queens
Just make sure you put pants on
....then im not going
Randomize
