im ready to get crazy and take my wig off
So Jesus turned water into wine. So what? I once turned a whole student loan into natty light. Your move holy man.
it was really awkward. it took him like like 2 minutes to realize who he was jacking off to. he stopped mid-stroke. such a small small world
i told you not to try chat roulette
Sorry about bonging beers with your mom but in all fairness you were late...
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawnmower thinking of you
Clusterfucked is a frowned upon word in work related emails
Yeah. I was about to call 911 but I ended up breaking the door frame off then ran and puked all the way home.
Just successfully made home fries from potatoes we used as bowls while stoned as shit. I deserve a trophy.
you were caressing the jar of pickles then you looked down and whispered to them "I want you inside me"
I'm sorry I called your mother a reasonably-priced receptacle.
There are regrets.. and there are RAGRETS
What is it about fresh air and wanting to talk about penises
I felt like I needed to shower with a Mr. Clean Magic Eraser.
My vagina just clenched in fear
She dated an Australian guy or some dude with an accent. Normal guys don't stand a chance.
CHALLENGE ACCEPTED.
Randomize
