Gte hit a new low, I took a poopnap, passed out mid poop on the toilet.
a woman just threw her tv out the window while screaming "will you fucking work now?". i'm never moving
Nothing better then your mother meeting someone you randomly had sex with and him introducing himself as the guy who rocked her world once.
just took my exes job. there should be an award for how many times I've managed to fuck that girl's life
$22.99 left in the bank til payday = 3($7 jack & coke) + 2($0.89 T-Bell taco) + $0.21 in case of emergency.
math is fun
Just saw some girl biking on campus with a babyseat on the front. Baby included. Do you know how many points that'd be worth?
Fucking her was like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
I can't believe she made out with my 15 year old brother. That kid can seriously pull.
I just got stoned alone and repierced my nose. don't ever tell me I'm unaccomplished
I just got stoned by myself and am eating cookies so I'm right there with you
You might have been able to redeem yourself had you not referred to grandma as "this bitch".
That explains the hand print on my face. That old lady knows how to throw a punch.
You thought they were asking for volunteers for a karaoke contest so you jumped up not realizing it was actually a "last 3 minutes boxing match". But you took that right hook like a champ.
Everythings in imax form. Space oddessys are formed. Adventure at every moment and everything is epic. My mouth hass lemons. Yum.
I absolutely love waking up to see my phone search history is "xj" "qj" "cj" "uj" and "kj"
Apparently I have a "problem" because I enjoy doing bong rips in the shower
Topless, eating sour gummies, doing a crossword, at 4 AM. TELL ME IM BEAUTIFUL!
Randomize
