Did you call me this morning? I was really drugged up and don't remember.
Have a good day. My vagina shrank.
I feel odd... a had sex with a chick and she keept her socks on...
office poll is still running 100% that Spencer Pratt is more disturbing than David Carradine's death
I havnt been this mad since the coche de Los murtos incident
whatever, you made your decision to be a responsible student and where did it get you? a pushed back exam and no blowjob.
dude when I get home wanna help me fulfill my dream of smoking a bowl out of my saxophone?
It makes me really sad that some people start their saturdays running or biking instead of with 3 shots of tequila, a sausage biscuit, freaks & geeks and 2 orgasms.
Man my junk looks like a mangled grapefruit right now, this shit sucks.
Until they make a bed that bathes you in your sleep, I will not be satisfied.
Are you doing trivia tonite? Also sorry I peed on you.
That unicorn pillow pet really made sleeping with my head in the toilet a little better.
You popped the Plan B pill then clapped twice, said "mischief managed" and headed tward the bar.
My mom told me to get it out of my system now bc once I hit 30 it's not acceptable to get "white girl wasted".
He sent me a website link to GIF on Snapchat. I don’t think he understands how Social Media works.
So learned a new trick last night.... Taking body shots from my own tits... Mom would be so proud
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