that's the type of pussy you go to the bathroom and wack off before you fuck her, just to last longer inside of her!
I know it may not be fiscally responsible to pregame fifty cent night, but I'm gonna go ahead and do it anyway.
Performed a legit marriage between 2 drunk people at last call yesterday. Becoming ordained has already paid for itself.
I wasn't interested in him...but then he played The Office theme song on acoustic guitar. I'm sorry.
Who would have thought google would have HELPED me fail a test...not pass...thank you pacman, thank you google....
The only piece of furniture in the apartment is a wine rack.
when he was about to finish he told me to avert my eyes and keep my lady parts away. chivalry isnt dead.
u girls! girls! girls! have fun please don't hook up w/ a roadie! Love, mom
girl I've been sleeping with this summer as per her request just gave me a carton of cigs to thank me for my "hospitality". this is good.
Don't ask me how or why, but I'm drunk with German diplomats. Come over. Now
Yours weakened by children. Mine weakened by a forearm sized cock for 8 years.
I woke up this morning and the lid to the back of my toilet was missing. Dahfaq do I do with this shit?
That moment when your whole family facetimed you just moments before you threw up all over the entire living room
I haven't taken a solid shit in four weeks. Do you know what started four weeks ago? Alcohol and dining hall food. Fucking college.
I just found one of your beard hairs in my oatmeal.
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