I got called a slut by a bunch of girls that work at Hooters..wtf is that shit? explain that to me
His sex texting was like a step by step guide to the most boring sex ever...
Her birthday cake consisted of a shot of tequila with a candle in it
and unfortunately for you, hallmark doesnt make a "sorry i was getting a blowie in the backseat of your car while you were driving, projectiled my jizz onto your hand, and caused you to crash" card
After what u did to that bathroom I think the $30 and the "sorry I'm a jackass" note was the thing to do.
So befoe we go on this mission how reliable are you for bailing peope out of jail
I'm pretty sure this city writes new vice laws specifically because of us.
All three of them were helicoptering their dicks to persuade me to take my thong off
A blow job from a tiger shark would still entail less risk to your genitals than having sex with her.
I'm definitely going to class still drunk right now and the freshman dressed as Hugh Heffner last night is texting me. I can't handle this.
No more stories ab the wkend for co-workers... No one else found "and I didn't have pants on when I got home Saturday night" as funny as I did.
Dude. Steinbecking. It's when you double-fist coffee and alcohol to help you meet a writing deadline.
Ew. He is mine. We all know that if he has a mid-life crisis and decides to sleep with a student, I AM THAT STUDENT. She's not friends with him on FB. Reassuring.
She made me a smoothie in the morning.. It was vodka and fruit.
I just spent the last three days trying to hook up with a dude for his pool privileges
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