I need to talk to you about an important matter involving lesbians.
final count. 18 beers. 4 shots baileys. 2 shots vodka. 1 glass champagne. vomited in the yard after losing my phone in a field for 8 hours. Possibly played tag with myself
you know when i was in school the girls definitely did not have the tits the 15 year olds have now. so unfair.
bowling with tennis balls and shot glasses. whatever you dont knock down after 2 rolls, you drink.
It was like a secret agent hookup. No names, swift execution, get in- get out.
so he just called his new girlfriend by my name and she was too drunk to even notice how awkward..
So he handed us the weed then asked us if we needed any papers. And she goes "i dont know what that means, do we need to sign something?"
We're going to catch a squirrel this summer
My teacher just let our class out 30 minutes early, its a 50 minute class. He said the only thing we had to do was get fucked up tonight and have stories about it on Monday.
Whatcha doing tonight? Reply TURNUP if you are drinking, or STOP to cancel messages
Hypothetically speaking...if I was arrested in Wisconsin, say Kenosha county, would you post my bail all the way from Oregon? If yes, will you also accept my collect call in t-minus 13 hours?
There is an episode of "how it's made" on tv right now. The subject is tequila and water beds. Basically my life.
drunk boyfriend and drunk me are NOT meant for each other
I think my time would be better spent seducing the TA then trying to save this paper.
Come over I need help. I just almost died in an acid flashback while listening to do You Feel Like We Do off of the Frampton Comes Alive album.
Randomize
