Suck a a big bag of reindeer cock bud. Sent from church. See you in hell
Please tell me that text was part of your elaborate Brett Favre costume; otherwise, dude, wtf?
I didn't know how to tell her I was too busy getting stoned and making a baked potato to meet up and finish our group project.
At the airport and im So hungover. Think anyone will help if I put a note on me reading "flying to Boston, please wake me as we board" and then passing back out?
And leave it to John to ask the cabby to make a Porno in his cab
At this point I just want to meet a man with a job.
Ok. I am hammered I will admit it but my legacy needs to live and your the only woman that could spawn satan. We need to talk.
I dont know about you but I'm not getting out of bed this summer for anything but food or sex
I almost bumped into a man wrapped only in a blanket at 10 am
You rode your bike four miles to my house. Yelled "I'm so high!" Then crashed into his car. It's a problem.
If she gets mad at me, that only means more free time for me. I like to put myself I win win situations. Despite being in a relationship, I still find ways to accomplish my goals.
the fact that I always have. bottle of tequila in my purse is not helping my current sitch
Seriously where are the good guys?
The friend zone.
Of course I'm watching space shows while stoned on the science channel. Why would I want to learn while not baked out of my skull?
I’m a women at a strip club dressed as post Malone
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