I woke up on the steps beside a plate of spaghetti and a toilet paper roll ripped in half. And i actually think this day is gonna get better.
you asked a group of latinas stood by the bar to hold a minutes silence for ugly betty getting cancelled. that drunk.
he urdandictionary'ed 'tease' on his phone and made me read through all the definitions. Am i really that bad?
You slept in the bed with him... with your top off.... and just made out with him....
That's why you NEVER put anything a stripper gave you in your mouth
i'm laying here naked in a pile of empty landshark bottles, is lauren still hiding under the toilet?
I forgot to tell you, wear something you can puke on Saturday. We're christening this marriage with a shot of jager. NOT KIDDING.
You were so drunk, you called my cruise control, the "auto pilot" and asked my car politely to take us to Taco Bell.
I had phone sex with a retiree last night. This is not how I envisioned my 20s going...
Come on there are only so many drink coaster sizes nipples in the world
Pizza rolls are incredible. They are like sex, except I have them sometimes
Now I'm ashamed that I wore a bra
Thanks for coming out I think haley is drunk enough for breast milk White Russians
How do you explain to your mom that you let your friend stab you in the leg while drunk and high on coke?
he asked if he should bring the trash can into the room.. apparently i shoved my finger all over his face and said.. shhhh dont talk... just take your pants off.
Julius Caesar had a huge penis
WTF are you reading?
Ha ha! No, the guy in the Caesar costume last night. We hooked up. His dick was huge
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