Regardless, you never quit out of your interenet. You left your porn on the living room comp. Then you passed out four feet from the chair with your hand still down your pants. We decided that we should go back to her place instead. Worlds best wingman.
One of the cleaning ladies on my floor just screamed from the bathroom
I need to shower. I still have paint on me from the homeless guys
about to get into a hot tub with three cops. this cant go well
it never fails, everytime he manages to fuck my earrings out of my ears.
he's washing the lighter in the sink and telling me to picture unicorns. requesting backup.
I wanna get "leaving my dick in charge" drunk.
juast therw a cheeeeesestirng over the fnce. stuckit to sombodys car winheild... gonna luagh if i find it mlted in the mrning.
He was taking the condom off and he turns to me and says, "You know how snakes can shed their skin?"
Obviously a higher power wants us to be sunday drunk together
He told me that he'd ride his snowmobile from Cincinnati to Toledo in this blizzard just so I could give him head.
I've only hooked up with engineers this year and it may be the best future financial decision I've ever made
I was giving this fat lawyer a table dance and he asked me if I would be willing to play with his long, hard stick of the law. And you want me to stop drinking at work?
He screamed, "Let there be light!" when he came
Change of plans & whoring it up tonight
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