this morning he rolled over looked at me and said "oooo, you look like i need a drink" and then put on his clothes and left without another word
Squirrels and blue jays and dove-like things. They're just frolicking around in my backyard. I wanna be like them.
You disinfected one of his friends, buttered the jeans of the other one. And you poured every liquid you could reach on the floor, including cooking oil and green tea. It wasnt a great first impression
We fucked to techno music while he wore shin guards... best sex ever.
We were making condiment sandwiches, then her husband kept trying to get me to sleep with her. I hate being the only lesbian at the party.
Eating this pizza pocket is like eating out god
You almost set me on fire last night.
You probably deserved it.
Just saw a guy I fucked in a clown suit in the bar. It's not Halloween. I have got to start making better life decisions.
OK. i'm going to add "riddle me this, brodawg" to the list of things i'm never gonna say to my boss again while i'm high.
She followed me back, then proceeded to find my room, get her panda suit on? And then raid my room and pass out on my couch... what the fack do I do now?!?!
Well I think won that argument, as the cops were leaving, they offered me a ride to the airport
I love 3rd shift and working at a hotel I just had a late night booty call while I was getting paid..could life get any better??
The power of the half flaccid cock, and to think, I thought I was just playing accordion in front of her Vagina!
Do you ever look back on your life and think - man I should have never had sex with that guy
So I sniffed too hard this morning before work and I THINK THE COCAINE JUST STARTED ROUND 2.
Randomize
