Having sex with her is like doing taxes, Happens once a year and I usually end up paying.
He asked me If i had cheated on my boyfriend when I said no he said it's like he doesnt know me anymore
its family weekend so i'm givin my little bro a tour of everywhere ive thrown up on campus
Correct me if I'm wrong, but I did not stop moving last night. If tequila gives me that extra push to have an active lifestyle, so be it.
You dont understand he had a split tongue thats bucket list worthy.
She's never going to forget it... Christmas Anal.
Yea, i was tied up and blindfolded. And someone was throwing chicken nuggets at my face.
he asked me to "shake his dick" when he introduced himself, playing naked football with you in our living room. $100 says you two get married one day.
I love you. Happy valentines. Satin Patricks dayyyyyyyyyy. Alreadythrew up. Geeeeerait.
Sit down my child. It's time you were told of my famous loss-of-virginity story entitled, "The Penis that Never Could."
TIL a potato cannon can be loaded with dildos as ammunition. Boy, do our neighbours love us!
Running late for a date because I couldn't get my clothes out from under the dude I spent the night with in time to leave when I planned. This is my life.
All the drunken hookups over the last year are self destructing, at least something is keeping nursing school interesting
I woke up to a stripper (who added me on Facebook) messaging me reminding me to cancel my card if I can't find it
Checking out a dudes' nachos instead of the dude #foreveralone
Randomize
