I DID IT WITH MY SOCKS ON!
my brother is so whacked out on percocet from hurting his legs that he started crying because his belly button was so cute
using the left over highlighters from the blacklight party to study for finals. feeling the need to write insert penis here on my econ notes.
I feel like a great embryo-shaped weight has been lifted off my shoulders.
and this is why we should make december sharting awareness month.
this is not okay. even my mom refers to me as a sorostitute.
and everything will be beautiful and nothing will hurt and we will eat nachos
i spent an hour trying to convince my psychiatrist that the fact that i showed up for my appointment drunk was progress, and she does not agree
dude, you were feeling up her boob for 20 minutes in front of the guy she was hitting on because you and her had an argument over who had bigger boobs.
hey man, it was for science okay.
Jen gave my number to some guy she met in NY. He sent me a picture of his weiner. He had nice shoes. I replied with a pic of bacon.
When in doubt always reply with bacon.
but they dont look like handprints. looks like someone had a boxing match with my tits and my tits lost
I got back from work this morning after working the night shift to find an NFL player scaling the side of our apartment...from your window. He just took sneaking out to all new level. Care to explain?
I think that about sums it up, actually.
when my phone is in portrait view you can just assume i've been watching porn. that's the only thing i want to see in full view.
I'm graduating college in 4 days. I already miss the bad decisions
Why would you keep yourself in a sharting situation
Randomize
