dude, i just saw a bobcat while i was rollerblading this morning
1 dont ever text someone @ 8am on sat. 2 dont ever admit to rollerblading past 1992.
that's not even the weird part though. he already knew where the bathroom was, he might have been here before..
U asked everyone for their hoodies so u could "safely hug the cactus"
He brought a jar of pickles to the party. So now I've had beer, animal crackers, AND a pickle since noon.
It's embarrassing enough people in my life are aware of the ridiculous things that happen to me. I don't think we need to get the whole world involved.
Can't decide if I want to watch full house or the fleet wood Mac concert during the presidential debate.
Just had a talk about safe sex with my mom. Not about protection. About the very real possibility of a "penile fracture". Gotta love having a nurse for a mother.
Just saw a couple do like 5 Sakai bombs and my dad goes "who says love is dead"
You told me you had two boobs that want to be naked for me. I'm just following up on your request.
The golf course isn't that incognito for sex.
and then I said "oh, I see the price of Plan B has gone up". and the pharmacist looked at me very sadly. I was just trying to make conversation.
Shia LaBeouf arrested in austin for public intoxication. JUST DO IT
if you were broke and planning on using koolaid as a tequila chaser which flavor would you pick?
I need an outfit for the bar tmrw that reads I have daddy issues and would like a fancy sugar daddy.
when they cut me off i played the entire Justin Bieber playlist and left for another bar that didn't think i'd had enough to drink
Randomize
