i really like this girl i slept with last night
you ask her out again?
yeah but she said she is busy next weekend getting married
i'm eating jello out of a teacup with a fork. awesome?
Considering that my ex-wife dumped me to become a lesbian, the Universe owes me a threesome.
WAKE UP. GET ME THE PILL. AND SAVE MY LIFE
I told her I was horny and she said to forget it because she has vagina drama.
WHAT IN THE HELL IS VAGINA DRAMA?!
but seriously ill do anyone in one of those hats with the earflaps.
i think my mom would be mad if i was pregnant. last time i was she grounded me for a week.
Hey so summary of last night. I threw up in a rain boot then tipped it over on my bed, did my laundry and passed the fuck out. I feel like I didn't see you.
I'm just gonna be the bigger person here and say I want you inside me
the tile , carpet , walls , cabinets , even the ceiling ... there is Jello everywhere
it was your idea to have indoor Jello wrestling man
I have to be at work in a hour. Can you sufficiently fuck me in 35 minutes?
I'm pretty sure we scarred one of our coworkers. This is the second time he has caught us both fully undressed and banging at work.
Either he has bad timing or he wants to join.
She just texted me apologizing for taking selfies on my phone then asked me to send them to her
Like don't initiate a threesome when we're all watching SPONGEBOB. That's like sacrilege.
you'll kiss me after i give you a blowjob but you wont kiss me after I eat apple sauce? am I the only one who sees something wrong with this?
Randomize
