Just ate lunch with a paperclip again. Seriously, need to invest in plastic forks.
I'm in a trailer park. But I'm not scared. The virgin always lives.
You need to find a way to go down on me and lick my toes at the same time
I'll google it
There is a different car in my driveway. Have no clue how I got home.
He literally is quoting that 21 questions song, the 50 cent one. oh my god.
I just took my birth control on the way to class with a 1/2 melted jello shot I happened to find in my purse from Friday night. I told you I was going hard this year.
Apparently drunk me thinks it's a good idea to put drops of acid in assorted open drinks in the fridge... This should be a fun week.
My first drink last night was a 2-liter of jameson and coke. So hung over it hurt to put my pants back on
Please don't smoke the bong in the bathroom while you shit. It is not a shitting bong.
nothin like your phone freezing up and sending out old booty calls at 11am on a sunday. fml.
Time is so short and I miss you. (I just watched that commercial where the people all laugh and get older and die.)
My roommate was being an ass so I put everyone's drinks/shots on his tab for the entire night. Then when we left he was telling me how he got out cheaper than last time.
A toast to whoever set this year's daylight savings fallback to the day after halloween, granting us another hour to detox before we pretend to be functional adults. Clearly, a partier with forethought and clear priorities. Cheers!
I was on antibiotics for a bladder infection and couldn't drink and you told me there was no longer room in your life for me.
its like probably shouldnt be sending pics of your asshole to strangers who work in the same building as you
Randomize
