totally poinked my lawyers daughter in his hot tub last night. i figure getting off is just compensation for not getting me off.
Tequila shots with cinnamon and orange write it down before I forget
Set off the fire alarm in our dorm at 2:30 am last night. 150 Naked people wrapped in towels shared a bag of popcorn with me as we watched the firefighters frantically search for my burnt popcorn in the building.
OMG THAT WAS YOU?!
I felt like a dog for all the times during sex that he said "good girl"
Is there any chance I can see you without pouring vodka on your head?
I'm not asking you to commit. I'm politely asking your penis to be my friend.
I broke the girls bed. I will not apologize about bragging.
Remember camping when you drank 36 beers to yourself in one day and puked in your tent? Ready for round 2?
The last thing I remember was riding in a grocery cart with two strangers while a cop pushed us
Dollar Store pregnancy tests. For when you sorta wanta know.
They have marijuana tests too!
How does a law student 15 days away from graduation prepare for a pass fail final? Drinking beer, eating thick cut bacon, and watching game of thrones, that's how
I'm abstinent now
Oh, is this one of the times when you're serious?
Also, I just opened Google to find the lyrics to California Gurls. Karaoke night did us dirty.
The only good thing about the sex was that he finally cracked the spot on my back that's been hurting.
At this point in job hunting, I'm willing to become a leather daddy if it means some sort of income.
Randomize
