Bea Arthur died! :(
What?
Big bird passed.
I just dry heaved the smell of jagerbombs....which proceeded to make me hurl for real.
True love is taking a shit with the one you love in the bathroom with you.
I'm trying real hard to keep it on the DL how drunk I am at lunch with my grandma.
it was 6 in the morning, and you cried until i put mulan in. then you proceeded to say every word, not to mention sing along... stop drinking.
So apparently I ran down the hall to another party and started handing out uncooked spaghetti to strangers. You'd be surprised how many drunk people will eat raw noodles.
He painted his chest for the game... I just fucked an exclamation point.
Omg calling you in 10 to update you on who I peed on last night
Just tell your wife to stay in the car because you are self conscious about drinking infront of her. Now you have a DD AND we can still have a good time.
My body is being held together with whiskey, nicotine, duct tape and a little bit of hope...
Everything's fine I'm just stoned and my pillows are too soft.
Mom just referred to a 9 year old as "this bitch", so I'd say day drinking was a success.
We put a ban on pants at an unusually early point in the night.
We just did a u turn on the highway to settle a dispute in a game of slug bug
sarah's view on last night: a threesome to make things less awkward. oh, well done.
Randomize
