Are u religion class? I'm on my way, I have cum in my hair. tell u later.
i miss vodka and anonymity. college is so rich in both. in college we are a many armed creature, lubricated with beer and sex.
I wasn't pimping you out... I was helping you network!
i just looked at my contacts and realized i saved the pizza hut girl's number as "fckucin pizza" the other night.
He yelled "HERE COMES THE WARMTH" before he pissed his pants. In front of the whole party.
okay, this game isn't funny anymore. tell us where all the forks are.
It'll be like the burning bush except without moses and with pubes.
Just because Aaron is a gender neutral name does not mean I am letting you name your baby after a drug dealer
Who invented hangovers? And why did I make out with him and eat an entire can of chilli mixed with hot fries while screaming "YOU ONLY GRADUATE ONCE" last night?
You went down on Rachel in front me last night. Worst. Brother. Ever.
Does it make me immature that I debated going to this baby shower stoned, or am I normal as shit and everyone our age are having babies too young?
You shall now refer to my vagina as patty and patty only
idk about you, but when i sext i just hit em with the "yo lets bang" text
Just did. I played that shit out so casual I deserve an Oscar. Or am Emmy, or whatever the fuck you get for acting like a boss
His birthday is on cinco de mayo and he doesn’t drink or like tacos. What a waste.
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