Well my night just got interesting. I just home from the police station. Hope you had a fun night out!
When you come back do you think I could print anorexic pictures of Mary-Kate?
as we were driving back from the frat house he pulled down his pants and convinced me his penis "wanted some air"
The one from last night got me a whole floor of Eskimo Brothers. There was a celebration of high fiving as I left
she passed out facedown in my lap while I was playing piano. 11 years of piano lessons finally paid for themselves.
no, throwing your underwear at it is not the solution to everything
doing shots of $6 a bottle whiskey and chasing it with milk. my own personal way of saying fuck life.
He's going to let me keep his bowl in my car. Does that make us Facebook official?
I used to put Bugles on my penis and pretend it was a wizard.
I asked my boss to leave early for a booty call. She said yes. See.... everyone sees it's important I get laid.
I'm attracted to him because he looks like the kind of guy who would lick my asshole without me having to ask.
My dream of watching a live dick sword fight might never be realized now. Currently sobbing, shots to follow
The ecstacy made me so dehydrated I started licking condensation off car windows
I'm at the store buying a new phone cause I pissed all over mine last night. Drunk me is expensive as shit.
That butt dial turned into a booty call.
Randomize
