I cockslap morals
we sang an acapella version of barbara ann to his voicemail...i'm not drinking again until tuesday.
BLOW JOB GIRL IS IN WALMART
Some people actually refer to her as Kaitlyn you know.
just overheard a conversation that ended in "and that's what I learned in France" How could that not have been about sex
I got spanked with a cardboard tube. Apparently he used to be a percussionist. Who favored marching band tunes. It was weird.
Apparently I was trying to convince him Springsteen has had buttsex. I ended the argument with "I bet he came from it too."
what is it with giant penises always finding me
i wish i coudl send you meat via computure
only in a texas roadhouse would someone whistle while I was breastfeeding.
It was insane. I was drunk for 11 consecutive hours. I woke up covered in almonds and there were footprints all over my shirt
Did u smell a guys dreadlocks in the McDonald's drive thru line last night or did I dream that?
His pick-up lines are quotes from Doctor Who. Of course I fucked him.
I've just been thinking about sangria a lot lately, like an adult.
Throwing my sister a bisexual bachelorette party was the best idea ever. I made out with both strippers and the hot bartender promised to "gay marry" me if I take him as my date to the wedding.
It's so obvious he's evil. I mean, would a non-evil person have facial hair like that?
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