Dude, it's gettin so bad even my fantasies just wanna be friends.
like if they didnt have tits and vagina, they have no idea how uninteresting to us they would be
Dude, we somehow need to leave discretely with the toilet brush.
vodka bottle broke. scooping it out of the plastic tub with a shot glass into a sprite bottle using a ziplock bag as a funnel and straining the glass out with paper towels. good thursday night?
No our divorce decree will not have a blow job clause. Unless my alimony is greatly increased your bj's have been reduced to fantasy status.....
I think the solution to your phobia is an open relationship with your dildo. about the same responsibility as a pet rock
He walked in at 7am saying that the police had his shoes and phone because he's being investigated for attempted auto theft.
URGENT INPUT I'm at a renesance fair after party and I'm 100% lined up to fuck their sword swallower OR their contortionist. Dont say both - which direction doth I roll?
i have a raging boner for Saturday, day drinking is one of my top favorite things right next to alligator wrestling and blowing shit up
I've been wearing the same clothes for 3 days and they're covered in franzia
Thinking about licking your asshole. And hugs and stuff too I guess.
Black magic does not go near my vagina, it's a rule
Imagine how different my life would be if I could find a man who gave me more pleasure than pizza at 2am when I'm drunk.
Hey.... can you explain to me why when I woke up this morning my cell phone background had been changed to me getting a piggy back ride from a drag queen?
Do you remember last night?
Just that I fell down a hill with my penis out and the emt talked to me.
Randomize
