wow, farting in latex pants is really awkward.
The guy I fucked in the port a poty just called me and asked me on a date!
Awkward!
No he was cute and I said yes!
Being hungover naked and coloring my hair. I guess I am not naked I have black latex gloves on. Give me a call.
im coming over.
and you will have a crown and it will be made of penises and all will bow before you and your glorious penis crown
Leaving the phone at home last night was the best decision I ever made.... Though I still managed to text her and now I have 2 phones...
I caught him trying to shit in her bed. I asked him why he was doing it and he said "because it's wrong."
I don't care if shes your sisters age. Once someone is on my to do list theres only one way to get them off it
Also, I've found a new way to get drunk at work for free. Everytime I make a bushwhacker and there's extra... I put it in a cup. Its the Never ending drink.
Getting stoned and sitting front row in a legal class.. Not my best idea
I have never thoroughly inspected the geometry of my nipples until now. How do I fix this?
If I get a 4.0 I am doing SO much cocaine.
They should make eskimo sister bracelets. OMG WE NEED BRACELETS WITH IGLOOS ON THEM.
Def don't remember taking those pics I sent you...but it looks like I was in a car? Shit. Looks like my Uber passenger rating just went up exponentially.
Is it bad that if I found out I couldn't have kids I'd be more pissed that I've been using unnecessary condoms than the fact that I'll never be a mother?
she wants homewrecking advice
are you gonna teach her your ways?
obvs. i'm like her yoda.
Randomize
