No idea how I passed that sobriety test.
So guess who had sex in a Ghostbusters sleeping bag.
Stalkers don't have time for showers...it's a full time job
I'm at McDonalds and when I walked up to the register the guy said "I'm so sorry." Before I said a word. That's how bad my hangover is.
It was over as soon as he asked if he could name my vagina pancake.
I think I just got judged by the pizza guy. dude, you deliver fucking pizza. you need rethink YOUR life.
In the wise words of Scar: "be prepared."
Do you think Scar was a Boy Scout?
all I've ever wanted was a guy with twelve cats who will tie me up in bed
HE STARTED HUMMING THE THEME TO STAR WARS!! WHILE I'M SUCKING HIS DICK!!
Its almost 1 am and u wanna get together and cry naked
You put THAT much Jager in me and expect me to realize when things are a bad idea?
I don't think you could pull off being mean.
How do you think I'm still single?
Who in their right mind would frost a cake with their butt?
Ok so I need a recap of last night...
YOU SPENT SIX DOLLARS AT NICKEL BEER NIGHT!!! How's that
She picked a quarter off the floor, kissed it "for luck" and won the $20,000 jackpot. She bought dinner and stayed sober to drive us home. This is a typical example of a visit with my sister.
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