i just realized Britney Spears and I are more alike than I thought. Both of us have our parents in complete control of our lives, we both have restraining orders on previous boyfriends, and we all know both of us can put on a hell of a show
it was like the sexual equivalent of when Wilson fell off the raft and floated away
how was your night?
well, i just purchased 'sorry for being a drunk whore' cupcakes. how do you think my night was?
Last night at the bar my fuck buddies found out about each other.
Wtf? What happened?
Not quite sure but they rock, paper, scissored to see who was taking me home.
i don't remember it, but i know we had sex because my stuffed animals were facing the wall
Well he's not a stripper, so we're already doing better than my last date.
Dude you make losing your phone an art. You left it balancing on a two liter bottle in the kitchen. Wtf
She told me she needed to clarify that we are not fuck buddies, we are best friends that have sex once in a while
Everyone makes mistakes, yours just means you will forever be known as the chick that tried to steal a cheese plate from the funeral.
He always takes home straight guys. He plays One Night Stand on Ledgendary Mode
CAN I WEAR ASSLESS CHAPS TO SUNDAY BRUNCH OF JUDGEMENT????
Oddly enough, the sex change dream i had made me miss you more.
Next time, dont ever let me talk to a guy drunk, especially if I have class with him the next day
Who do you have class with??
The guy that pulled down his pants in the middle of the dance floor to show me his tattoo
When I woke up next to him on the living room floor, my glasses were broken and it felt like someone rubbed a cactus all over my vag
Every time you talk about your facial hair I immedately get horny
Randomize
