stayed up until 6am doing my presentation on buddhist art and the practice of chanting. took shots. did drugs. the powerpoint now includes a sesame street style game (with chicken/puppy clip art), an xzibit music video (and quotes about section eight and eating steaks), and a reference to a german metal band (universe). this is going to be the best presentation ever
Life is so much better when you know you're gonna get laid soon.
I couldn't sleep so I drunk ellipticaled for an hour. Worst. Idea. Ever.
I feel the need to send all my exes pictures of penises larger than theirs. Because they all must suffer.
Sorry, but you probably shouldn't come over. I'm too sober for this.
Solid teamwork gives us a good shout of both bringing home trophy cougs
I'm at work, and just realized I the beer smell I keep getting random whiffs of is my bra. I fail at life.
i can't believe he threw up on you. Well thats what you get for being DD. I used the sombreros as a shield!
Let's just say after this weekend I'm known as Shameous the Irish bar fighter.
Drunk girl in a bikini just tried to bite my face, it's officially spring break
I was so stoned last night I got into an argument with your voicemail message.
No man we're leaving now. The party will probably be busted soon. O and a bitch started throwing knives around the place, like real actual knives.
Good morning! So would you prefer me to show up kind of late or on time but looking like I got chewed up and spat out by an episode of Buffy the Vampire Slayer?
Besides you're a Tennessee fan and it'd be against my religion to have your penis inside me today.
No, this year you're all getting coupons for things like "no yelling because you had sex in my apartment" or "the last beer."
Randomize
