I called Tyra Banks a whore to her face. A sure sign I should go home. Instead I went to the gay bar.
you came home covered in oatmeal wearing a tutu holding a stolen wrotting pumpkin and "its a girl" balloons tied around your neck.you were whispering the lyrics to aaron carters 'aarons party'. i think the real question was what DIDNT you drink last night
He said he had bite marks on his back... Turns out he had to throw me over his shoulder, and I was really reluctant.
they're doing drop shots of Jager into red wine. i don't want to be on that level
Maybe the downfall to liking really smart guys is that they're to smart to think about sex all the time.
This morning my mouth tasted like fruit trees, battery acid, and magnums. Transferring schools was the best decision Ive ever made.
I wonder what blackout Alex would think of her?
probably "functioning vagina, must touch"
Can't we have real sex instead of you just thrusting the air near me?
I just compared his sexting to a plate of spaghetti. And he STILL wants to sleep with me.
The paramedics said she just kept whispering "I just wanted to party"
Oh man
I hooked up with the lead singer of the band at the wedding. I am so hungover.
IT WAS JUST SO LITTLE AND AWKWARDLY FLOPPING BACK AND FORTH
They kept freaking out that you were missing and potentially having sex.. like it was a bad thing. Got fed up with hearing it so i just yelled "ITS HER BIRTHDAY AND SHE CAN FUCK IF SHE WANTS TO!" They gave me unnecessary looks. I thought it was acceptable.
Not having a reliable dick in is getting expensive. I’ve had to replace 3 vibrators since Mike and I split up
he's fucking insane. he's worse than me. is that even possible? I'm only with him because his dick is huge. I need Jesus.
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