I'm too stoned for this. I'm Canadian.
If you borrow your friends real doll, should you wear a condom?
He didn't know it yet but he was about to go down on me.
He told me he was a psychology major, and I responded by asking him where he hid his vagina.
It's underwear night and I am literally in the bar wearing nothing but underwear and flip flops.
i was told that i was found face down in a plate of ketchup at the dinner table
So two questions...why am I covered in muffins and are there pictures of this.
If the blowjob was before the wedding, we're not technically related, right?
is cock-oriented a word? I'd say I'm that lately.
I let a guy with dreads drive my car, then demanded he take me back cause I don't let strangers drive my car, while repeatedly apologizing for being a cock block.
I've made a list of places I want to have sex this summer. #1: Reptile House at the zoo.
I'm sitting on your porch drinking wine from the bottle. Just so your new neighbors know what kind of people are in the neighborhood
If more people understood that brunch is at 3pm the world would be a better place because you don't have to wake up early. Breakfast food is important
So...I maybe walked across campus last night with my life size Joe Biden cut out.
Interesting fact: if you wanted to rename a guy Jeff, just tell him you only fuck Jeffs. Magically whatever name he was using is actually his middle name cause he doesn't like going by Jeff.
Randomize
