Maybe I'll tuck it in and pretend to be a woman pretending to be a man that is attracted to women that are attracted to women who look like men
At a straight bar and poker face just came on...must...resist....urge to gay it up
Why would that come on at a straight bar? I thought they just played Don't Stop Believin and Wonderwall on repeat
It was like a secret agent hookup. No names, swift execution, get in- get out.
Just found a hole in my wall with your left shoe in it.
the head trauma was worth the blowjob.
He walked door to door asking if anyone needed to get laid. Surprisingly, that ended his drought
We're looking for the removeable roof from her Miata. Winner gets a 40.
Convincing a cop that you have diplomatic immunity is way harder in Dallas than in Serbia. And you get fined for attempted bribery.
I fell asleep while studying last night and woke up smelling like whiskey and sex... words can not describe how confused I am
Well I was thinking of taking him out for drinks then lecturing him about his drinking... kind of like an open minded intervention
I need to be drunk within 15 minutes of getting home tonight.
I just figured out the time exactly by how many shots and beers that I've had since this morning. I either have a terrible problem, or a great solution.
at least its a cool name to shout when he's balls deep in you later
I never thought I'd have to apologize for tasting like absinthe and cheetos before tonight
FUCKIN BIRDS ARE CHIRPING AT 4 IN THE MORNING. THE SUN ISN'T RISING YET MOTHERFUCKERS, GO BACK TO YOUR NESTS.
Randomize
