Yea I just took my 1st pregnancy test. Turns out I am just fat. Also I haven't been with anyone in 3 months, which is clearly making me crazy.
he spent the whole night trying to convince me into a2m. i won't even use the pb til i clean the jelly knife. i love him but it's not going to happen.
The new Black Eyed Peas song is the stupidest shit I've heard since the last Black Eyed Peas song.
My ex just called and told me that he is on his way to the hospital because he popped a vein in his dick. Should I go to the ER with him or class?
Are we going out tonight?
My conscience says no but my vag says yes
duuuude the clock in this car says its 85 past 19.
dear god, who put you in a cab?
You know me. im down for anything that could harm my well being. lets dress like dolphins so everyone will see what dicks they are.
The fact that he just came out makes his Lent commitment to give up gay sex so much more meaningful now.
I walked into your room and you had fallen asleep smoking a cigarette. You just had the butt in your mouth with ash all over your face.
I hit a child with a fudge sickle from a moving vehicle after he flipped me off, I feel like a God. Tell no one. My partner didn't see it.
I'm really sorry that I blew your friend in your bed, but to be fair he started it.
Well he's a 33 year old furniture salesman that picked up at 19 year old buying a bedroom set for her room. I can see how that would be awkward
I think were only still together so we can make each other miserable
is it just me or does "lol" kill any sort of vibe while sexting?
Is it wrong for me to wish my cat had arms to get me a beer?
Randomize
