you left your dildo in my car
rules of finders keepers apply
2 am we went back to his house. his mom handed us beers and cooked us pancakes. the next morning his dad had washed my car. i lied. living at home after college definitely does not suck.
when i was ordering pizza, the guy muffled the phone but i could clearly hear him say "its that drunk bitch again"
we were on a sandy mattress. i was wearing a sweatshirt with a poodle on it and eating a whopper jr. i wouldn't have fucked me either.
Stop making excuses. You can be here in 5 and cumming in 10
i caught myself talking to a pigeon about my yeast infection.
i refuse to hook up with a girl that looks like drew carey.
He ate shrooms at 9:30, said, "see you later," and left. I am alone on New Years.
Either I think of sex like a man, or all the men in Vegas are women.
I mean, as I was vomiting in front of a giant crucifix I became acutely aware of my poor choices
I want to be tan and drunk. Is that too much to ask for?
I will read books by day and do guys by night. A mental and physical enlightenment, if you will.
do you think there's enough of the fabric you gave me to make a crop top for a cat?
I always knew I would be boring and die in an Uber.
My life. Always pantsless and occasionally topless.
Randomize
