I attract so much trash. The guy that is engaged and kissed me is here so is his fiancé. I feel likeshw knows and will cut me in the bathroom might happen. If I'm not at the pool tomorrow she has blonde hair and is really flat.
i just lost my virginity over my 3 hour lunch break..
u hav a 3 hour lunch break?!
i like how the length of my lunch break is the thing that phases u
I mean I woke up wearing my bathing suit which blows my mind
the can pyramid on my head actually reached a decent height before I moved.
i think you're the only person in the world who masturbates to food network.
The bartender just told me he would have me face down in his pillow by the end of the night. I hate when you make me go to gay clubs.
Yes, that was ME getting carried out of the club singing 'i believe i can fly'
Thank god for makeup because it looks like someone took a shit on my face
Rolled in at 3:30am from the strip club, with all the screaming I did, Siri doesn't even recognize my voice this morning,
It all went downhill when I figured out I could launch myself into people with my crutches
sexting while watching Peter Pan the Musical! something just doesn't seem right here
The date did not go well. Turns out I once set her brother on fire.
If there's one thing I think I could really excel it, it's curating a midlife crisis
Just realized that I indirectly pay for sex through my cable bill
Wow. He is an expensive lay
I still have to figure out the cost per lay. It could be a financially sound investment
That man fucks like a champ. The sex was so good I did him again in the morning just to be sure
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