Do you know how hard it is to conceal the fact that you puked all over the bed that someone is sleeping in?
Pregnancy confirmed. Complete emotional instability achieved. I just cried through 95% of Avatar.
Hey I think I found part of your tooth next to your wine bottle in the floor board of my car.
I passed out on the floor of a truck stop. Drinking binge 2011 is now over.
The only reason we got away with streaking last time was cuz we had those miner hats
In case you were wondering, taking me to see beauty and the beast in theaters would totally get you an unsolicited sloppy beej in the parking lot afterwards.
You should probably take note of that and make it happen.
My catholic guilt is strong, but the alcohol is stronger.
But he was wearing a glow-in-the-dark condom. It was like a glowing rod of kryptonite. I can't resist that, kryptonite is my weakness.
Why Weren't you wearing pants?
because pants are for people with no imagination
My dad's girlfriend is driving through the snow to bring me my purple haze. If he doesn't wife her up, we have a bigger issue on our hands.
If I could drink as much and have the amount of sex he has at his age, well I'd probably be dead
Worst wingman u don't do ANYTHING but laugh at my incompitant shyness
I've come to the conclusion, I should prob have at least 20 hr supervision. I would say 24, but I'm guaranteed to pass out for at least 4 hrs a day
"keg stand!" on a roof abruptly turned into "call the medics"
my favorite part was when you kept waving @ that guy and insisiting it was your cousin..and it wasnt and wondering why he wasnt waving back lol you were legit PISSED
Randomize
