I just did the scooter of shame. New levels of embarrassment have now opened.
Well, I guess this was as good a night as any to find out I don't know how to use my fire extinguisher.
My mom said "I don't want to fund your drug problem" so she gave me a gift card to the book store. I now have a 420 page book on growing weed.
We waited til after. Not even drunk sex felt right during a Disney movie.
Pretty sure I blacked out the last 48 hours, the last thing I remember is the 4 pm bar crawl on Thurs
Can you believe they're going to let me be a doctor?
Not a chance. She stuck her hand under my kilt and she told the whole table I was indeed commando. She broke all the rules.
Both of our knuckles were split open this morning when I came out of the blackout, the column on the porch has two new cracks in it, were like the redneck Super Smash Bros.
we got kicked out of her coke dealer's house when we wouldn't stop quoting "a league of their own"
communist
He said it was fake. Like really? Hey baby, I wanna sleep with you, so here's a picture of a fake tiny dick
I would really just like to get laid somewhere that's not on a bathroom floor at this point in my life
So I may have to sleep with a cougar to get a slightly used, yet free microwave. I'm going in
i was too drunk before they even got here. i took all their phones instead of keys and hid them in the freezerr...im an awesome party host.
please don't forget about the bread in the toilet i am absolutely not dealing with that
Woke up to find my underwear in my purse to only remember I took them off at the airport
Only you would offer whiskey to a man in liver failure.
Randomize
